


Talk Me Down (3+1)

by 911xtarlos



Series: Harringrove Ficlets [8]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 3+1 Things, Abusive Neil Hargrove, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Billy Hargrove Angst, Billy Hargrove Deserves Better, Billy Hargrove Needs Love, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Billy Hargrove has Panic Attacks, Gay Billy Hargrove, Happy Ending, M/M, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 08:50:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/911xtarlos/pseuds/911xtarlos
Summary: 3 times Billy has panic attacks and suffers alone + 1 time someone understands and helps him.





	Talk Me Down (3+1)

1.

The first time Billy had a panic attack he was eight years old. He had just chased his mom’s car down his driveway and as far down the street as he could make it before Neil caught up to him. The whole time he was crying, screaming at her to come back or take him with her.

Neil grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and drug him back to the house. He’d pushed Billy into his room and shouted,

“Stay here until you can stop being a little bitch.”

Then he slammed the door behind him. Billy climbed into his bed and threw the covers over his head. He buried his face in a pillow until he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, and the roar of his dad’s car as he peeled out of the driveway. When he was sure he wasn’t coming back, he lifted his head and cried out loud.

“Mama come back! Mama!”

He cried and screamed, hoping that if he was loud enough she would hear him and come back for him.

He yelled until his throat was scratchy and his voice was gone. He yelled until his head pounded. He yelled until he physically couldn’t anymore.

He was shaking, his breath coming in pants. He panicked when he realized he couldn’t breathe. He threw the covers away from himself and yanked at the collar of his shirt. He gasped for breath, crying even harder. He tried his best to force himself to breathe, in his nose and out his mouth, just like his coaches had taught him.

Slowly he started to breathe, shaky and ragged, but breathing. He slumped back on his bed. His head hurt and his eyes were puffy and he just wanted his mom.

He climbed out of his bed and snuck into her room. He dug around in her closet until he found it. Her denim jacket with the lipstick stain on the collar. He pulled it around himself and buried his face in it, breathing in the scent of her perfume.

He fell asleep that night and every night for the next few months wrapped in that jacket.

2.

Billy was sixteen and his mom’s jacket had long since lost the smell of perfume, but he wore it anyway. He pulled the jacket around himself as he sat on the couch. Neil’s face was so red and he was yelling so hard, Billy thought his head was going to explode. He was alone with his father and his wrath. Susan had ushered his brat of a stepsister out the door a long time ago, right after she’d started crying the first time Neil hit him. He’d hit him a few more times after that, then thrown him on the couch for a verbal lashing. Billy figured the punches weren’t over yet.

He had been careless.  _ They  _ had been careless.

His name was Jonah. He was the first boy that Billy liked that liked him back. Jonah was pretty, soft straight brown hair and green eyes. He laughed at Billy’s jokes and smiled at him like he was the only thing that existed.

But they’d been stupid. Instead of driving the hour to Long Beach, where there was less chance of being caught, they stayed home and went to the Santa Monica Pier.

They’d been fine for the first hour. They’d played the games and gotten ice cream. All the dumb couple stuff that the other straight couples in their class did.

Then they’d driven a little further away. They’d parked Jonah’s car not far from the beach and gotten out. They sat on the hood, drinking cheap beer Jonah’s older brother had gotten them. Then they’d kissed. Then Jonah had slipped Billy’s hand into his pants. Then they’d been caught.

One of Neil’s coworkers had seen them and called Neil. When Jonah dropped Billy off that night, Neil had been waiting at the door.

Now Neil was screaming about how this could ruin them and didn’t he think about his family before he decided to be a faggot. What would happen to poor Max if people found out her brother was a fairy?

Neil had screamed and yelled and punched and kicked and Billy ever said a word.

Neil grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the wall.

“Answer me boy!”

His breath was coming in pants, harsh and ragged from all the yelling. Billy vaguely realized that he couldn’t breathe. His throat was closing up and his eyes were blurry from tears. He was having a panic attack.

“No sir.”

“What?”

“No sir,” he choked out again.

“No what?”

“No I didn’t think before I decided to be a fag.”

Neil dropped him into a crumpled heap.

“That’s what I thought.”

Neil stepped over his legs and walked out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Billy curled up and cried into the denim jacket.

The next day at school he broke Jonah’s nose during lunch. He got suspended. Then Neil told them they were moving.

3.

Billy was eighteen and his life was falling apart. All he was supposed to do that summer was hang out by the pool, make sure some little brats didn’t drown and maybe hook up with Heather Holloway.

Now he was in a hospital bed, he’d been possessed by a monster and Heather Holloway was dead. He’d also tried to kill Max and he friends. Multiple times.

Max was curled up in a chair in the corner of his room. He vaguely remembered her fighting with someone who might have been Steve Harrington, he was too out of it to remember, until they let her stay.

He could feel his chest tightening and he was struggling to breathe. His mind went foggy and his eyes couldn’t seem to focus. He could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks and somewhere he could hear a monitor beeping quickly.

“Billy?”

Max’s voice broke through the clouds in his brain.

“Billy are you okay? Billy can you hear me?”

He tried to respond, even to nod, anything to let her know that he was somewhat okay but he couldn’t make his mouth open or his head move.

He was aware of more people moving around him and a voice that he didn’t know started speaking.

“Billy, you’re having a panic attack. I need you to breathe with me.”

Billy tried but no air would go into his lungs. He felt someone slip something over his face and he clawed at it trying to get it off. Gentle hands pulled him back.

“It’s just an oxygen mask Billy,” Max said. She laced her fingers with his and squeezed. He squeezed back weakly and clenched his eyes shut, trying to regain control.

Slowly the beeping slowed and returned to normal and he could breathe again. Someone pulled the mask off of him and his eyes fluttered open. 

He looked at Max, whose eyes were filled with tears but she was smiling softly at him

“We’re going to give him a light sedative, just to keep him calm. Do you know what might have triggered the attack?”

“No. I was asleep and then I heard the machines start going crazy.”

“Okay. It’s alright sweetheart. Your brother is going to be okay.”

+1

Billy could feel his breath getting unsteady. He tried to slow it down. In his nose, out his mouth, just like he’d been taught. He felt a hand take his and squeeze it gently.

“Hey, you’re good. I’m right here if you need me.”

Billy nodded and squeezed back.

“You ready?” Steve asked.

“Yeah,” Billy said taking a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

As they walked inside, Steve dropped his hand but kept their arms close, fingers brushing with every step.

It felt weird to be back in the Hawkins High gym. When he and Steve had moved to California he had promised himself he would never come back. Yet here he was. Max was graduating high school and Billy had promised her he’d be there. He never broke a promise to Max.

The amount of people in the room made his heart squeeze but he reminded himself he was doing this for his sister.

Even four years later, bits of panic still wormed their way inside of him. He hated crowds and small spaces but he would endure it for an hour, just to see Max walk across the stage. And maybe to rub it in Mike’s face that she beat him out for Salutatorian.

They suffered through Dustin’s Valedictorian speech, full of nerdy references that made everyone roll their eyes and vaguely ominous comments about bullies that made Steve have to hide his laughter.

Max’s speech almost made him cry. He swore a few times that what she was saying was aimed directly at him. She looked him dead in the eyes the whole time.

When she walked to get her diploma, Billy clapped louder than everyone, not even caring if he was being obnoxious. His baby sister had graduated.

When she came running to him and Steve after the ceremony he picked her up and swung her around. Even after he put her down, she’d stayed glued to him, arms around his waist for a long time.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Yeah but I know how you are with crowds and-”

“Max. I promised you, have I ever broken a promise?”

“No.”

“Exactly. I would do anything for you kid.”

Max hugged him a little tighter, then pulled away to hug Steve, who wrapped her up and squeezed her tight. 

Billy celebrated with the other kids, putting Lucas in a headlock, high fiving Dustin, giving El a big hug, and ruffling Will’s hair. He even shook Mike’s hand.

“Come on,” he said, putting an arm around Max and Will. “Who wants ice cream?”

**Author's Note:**

> I know technically in #3 Billy wasn't alone but Max didn't know what was happening so she couldn't help him. So it counts.
> 
> Also this post was supposed to be some Harringrove smut but I'm still not done with it and I've been sick and angsty lately so have some angst. But look out for that other fic coming soon.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Make sure to leave comments and kudos if that's something you like to do. I'm also on Tumblr.
> 
> Click [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/strxngehxrringrove) to check out my blog.


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